We were walking around a specific spot close to work. I like this area because it has a bit of greenery and it feels like a small escape. A place away from the confines of well, the best way to describe it is others.
We were chatting about things, and then she asked me, “Do you consider yourself an artist?”
At that moment I thought, how odd. This has become a theme this month (August 2023). It took me to a week before, when I was sitting with my manager during an employee evaluation, and we were talking, and I happened to go on a tangent about Generative art, she looked at me and said “You’re an artist.” I scoffed at that comment, and responded with “No, I’m not.” and thought at that moment, why does everyone think so?
What do I mean by everyone, well just a week before that, I was out at a meetup where people play games, and just chat. I was grouped with a couple of adorable ladies, and we were guessing each other’s professions. When it came to me, unanimously they all said, “Oh you’re definitely in some creative field!” I was surprised, “Ummm” They kept going “You’re an artist! Graphic designer maybe.”
“Yeah, no” then chimes another one, “Oh! Writer!”, and to that, I replied with “I wish.”
When I told them my profession, they were surprised and said “You give off an artist vibe”
And now, here I am in this little escape space, being asked about art again. I hesitated to answer, because the truth is, I want to be one. Desperately so. Every time I hold a pen and sketch I dream of making something that is worthy. Every time I attempt to write a story, I dream of it becoming an epic, and each time I watch a film, I think about the countless stories I’d like to tell, yet never did.
She looked at me expectantly, and I said, “No.”
“Well, I’m not. I don’t really make art, and whatever I do, isn’t really considered art”
“Who says so?”
Damn, true. Who says what is art, or what makes an artist?
I think I’m more afraid, and doubtful than I let on. The fear stops me from making anything.
Yet, there are countless artists who were plagued with fear. Van Gough, Harper Lee, and many to count. What made them different though, is that despite that fear, and doubt they did it anyway.
This is a sign. The universe is telling me to stop doubting and just start making. These events are all nudges. I say that because the feeling I get when they say “You are an artist” or when they say “I see you writing that book” “I see you making that film” or anything of that sort just gives me this warm feeling. A feeling I never felt when I did anything.
What I am trying to say in this ramble of a post is that I have decided to start making things. I am afraid. I am doubtful, but I will make.
It will suck.
It will suck for a while, and that is okay,
I’ll keep making anyways. Why?
Because I am an Artist.